My Story: Transforming Pain into power & purpose by Patience M. Chigodora.
*Trigger Warning* mention of sexual abuse
There is something about my eyes that gives away my story.
If you look closely, you can see the pain, grief and shame that I carried since the age of 3. It has been a long journey of carrying fear, pain, shame and grief, but I am now — finally free. I am Patience Chigodora, a qualified Spiritual Life Coach, Inner Child Healing Work Specialist, Inspirational Speaker, Meditation Guide, Goddess in Chief of The InnerVerses (formerly Hear.Me Coaching) and this is my story of learning to fearlessly use my voice.
Telling my story was one of the most empowering things I have ever done and yet the thought of doing it still makes my heart race every time. It wasn’t easy but I am so glad that I chose (and still choose) to overcome my fear and share my story with the hope that it would help someone else feel less alone. See, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and telling my story opens up old wounds that have taken years to heal. It’s hard to relive those memories but every time I tell my story, I feel a little freer.
I grew up in a home where love was present. I felt safe and secure, and I always felt like I was special, especially as the only girl and youngest. My parents and siblings adored me. I felt loved and was confident in who I was.
I remember when this came to a halt…
I remember when this came to a halt and transformed into an ongoing juxtaposition when at the age of three, my innocence was taken away from me and chipped at for many years to come. All in secret. No one knew what was going on and when I got the courage to tell…I was told, “there are some things that as women, we have to learn to keep in our heart”.
I kept all this bottled up inside me for many years to come because that is what someone in authority told me to do so as not to rock the boat or create any waves. After all, it will destroy the extended family unity we had. I felt so ashamed. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? When will it end? From the age of 3, these were the questions that filled my head. As a result, I became very withdrawn and shy. It didn’t feel safe to let anyone see me for who I really was.
My confidence was snatched and replaced with shame, guilt, grief and pain. The once spontaneous, outspoken and confident little girl became shy, introverted and lost. I felt alone and like somehow I was responsible for what had happened to me.
Then at age 7, I went to a boarding school, then at 10, moved from Zimbabwe to the UK, shortly followed by the death of my father. Although I was with my mother, I missed my family terribly but was also happy to be have escaped. I coped by numbing the feelings and burying the past, including my father’s death. I subconsciously focused on a familiar feeling of displacement and aloneness, only now it was in a country where I knew little of the language and culture.
As an adult, I struggled with feeling guilty for expressing myself, had a hard time trusting people and I was always afraid that people in my life would leave me. I also struggled with self-esteem issues. I didn’t think that being my authentic self was safe or good enough.
But then I came across a quote that changed my life: “The longest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.” This was the start of my journey to freedom.
I began to reconnect with my inner child, and I started to see this little girl through compassionate eyes. I began to hear her voice and listen to her stories. I realised that she had been carrying this pain, guilt and shame for years, and it was time for me to set her free.
I am dedicated and passionate about inner child healing because that is where my story started and it’s where yours will start too! I now find joy in helping others to reconnect with their inner child — to find their voice and — be seen and support them in setting themselves free. I also teach meditation and mindfulness practices that can help to transform the pain of the past into peace, love, and compassion.
Now you know my story, who I am, why I am the way I am and do what I do. So, if you’re thinking about sharing your story but are afraid, know that you’re not alone. But also know that it’s so worth it to speak your truth. When you do, you set yourself free and help others to feel less alone too. We all have a story to tell — so let’s start sharing and heal ourselves and each other in the process.
If you’re interested in learning more about The InnerVerses, visit my website at: www.theinnerverses.co.uk, Or, you can email me at: info@theinnerverses.co.uk and follow on all socials @theinnerverses.
I would love to hear from you!
I hear you, I see you and I love you - Patience xoxo
